Item tagged with joke, old age
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,
'OLD' IS WHEN....
Going bra less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
All New Guess The Celebrity Orgasm!!!!
I just got back from working out for the first time in a week due to this stupid spring cold I couldn't shake. But before I jump in the shower and get all lathered up...
This was a silly idea of mine that I just couldn't resist doing.
Almost every week (as long as I feel like it), I give you a clip, such as this one, and you get to tell me which famous person is blowing his or her load.
In this case, it's a guy's name I'm looking for, though a gold star to anyone who can tell me who the chick is as well.
Off to the shower...
This was a silly idea of mine that I just couldn't resist doing.
Almost every week (as long as I feel like it), I give you a clip, such as this one, and you get to tell me which famous person is blowing his or her load.
In this case, it's a guy's name I'm looking for, though a gold star to anyone who can tell me who the chick is as well.
Off to the shower...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
his errand WAS one i did not wish to fail...
okay everybody listen up, that matthew bellamy is mine...MINE!
huargh, i went to ikea yesterday with mima. she bought me a very nice quilt cover, a pillow in denim pillow case (i just can't resist!), and some multi-coloured accessory box.
then we headed to o.u, we had lunch at this peranakan restaurant. i had assam laksa. but i forgot to tell them i don't want 'petis' in it and i end up eating only half of it, luckily there was some szechuan soup. yummy!
bought four new tops. i like! i like this one purple v-neck top at miss selfridge. nemind la, i think i'll just have to pester my pipa for the next few days. heh! faster la come back. stay there lama-lama for what? haih!
what else? ohh, bumped into spunkywhen i was in o.u. heh!
i wanna dream about matthew bellamy tonight!
huargh, i went to ikea yesterday with mima. she bought me a very nice quilt cover, a pillow in denim pillow case (i just can't resist!), and some multi-coloured accessory box.
then we headed to o.u, we had lunch at this peranakan restaurant. i had assam laksa. but i forgot to tell them i don't want 'petis' in it and i end up eating only half of it, luckily there was some szechuan soup. yummy!
bought four new tops. i like! i like this one purple v-neck top at miss selfridge. nemind la, i think i'll just have to pester my pipa for the next few days. heh! faster la come back. stay there lama-lama for what? haih!
what else? ohh, bumped into spunkywhen i was in o.u. heh!
i wanna dream about matthew bellamy tonight!
Thursday, September 04, 2008
that green disco bag!
had breakfast with enamiix at hartamas. then to mont kiara's abc market. enamiix bought me a green top and a green disco bag! oh yeah, don't worry, i will buy you that hardcore cap u wanted. E.M.O! ngehahahaha!
singing i have a private journal now. whoever wants the add, well, mail me pls and i will give it to you. considering who you are lah! heh!
singing i have a private journal now. whoever wants the add, well, mail me pls and i will give it to you. considering who you are lah! heh!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Hospitals
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 4
0 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared
7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:-A0A0A0A0 A0Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined,A0 x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she
got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran
out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection.A0 However, he took a job as
a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 4
0 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared
7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:-A0A0A0A0 A0Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined,A0 x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she
got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran
out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection.A0 However, he took a job as
a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
you shall endure
i was at lara's the whole evening. it was nice. had dinner with her and laila. her brother akil, the cute little boy that i've known since i was 11 is now a big 'guitar hero' boy! he owns a les paul and he writes his own songs. beautiful songs. god, how time changed everything. haih!
after dinner, we went for teh tarik at berkat. it was nice. positive vibes. i like.
after dinner, we went for teh tarik at berkat. it was nice. positive vibes. i like.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Meatballs
A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees.
The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies,
''Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins''.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees.
The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies,
''Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins''.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
A Strong Woman Needs A Strong Man
The Good Husband mentioned this blog yesterday. I went over and read the whole thing. It's new, so it didn't take long. There are many things I don't have in common with Lisa, but I found myself really seeing some of my own life in the post she called "Thoughts, part 3." (I'm sorry, but I can't seem to figure out how to link to that particular post. HTML-what?)
John and I do not have a marriage on the rocks or anything close to that. Nobody is cheating, emotionally or otherwise. We're close. We spend lots of time together and as a family. Our sex life is going strong and is greatly improved over recent years. We're getting our groove back as our little babies grow into little people. We're continuing to evolve and grow as we will be entering our 40's next year. But we're doing it together, and we will make it.
But I really related to what Lisa was saying about being a strong woman. I'm a strong woman, and I'm the stronger partner in just about every aspect of my marriage. Don't get me wrong. I am not a dictator. I'm not mean (well, not unless I'm tired and cranky anyway). And we do talk most things out together. But I run the house and I run our lives. I run the finances. I veto things that I don't like. For the most part, John goes along. It seems that the buck stops with me.
With power comes responsibility. I have to balance the checkbook, manage the budget, make investment decisions, make sure the house is stocked and everybody has everything that they need, make sure the health department will not come over and cite us for cleanliness violations, keep the laundry under control, etc. Many times I wish I did not have so much responsibility. Responsibility is not so much fun. Maybe all these things just seem like my housewifely duties. But it's more than that.
I control our sex life. If I'm not in the mood, it ain't gonna happen. John has little power to get me into the mood, although he can break the mood unintentionally in so many small ways. Lately we have tended to have showers at night since we've had so much nocturnal activity. Usually I shower while he bathes the kids in the tub. He likes to open the shower door and leer at me. A lot. Often. All the time. It might have been cute or sexy once or twice, but now I just find it annoying. Good grief. I just want to relax for a few minutes. Stop leering at me like a horny schoolboy. I hinted to him many times that it was starting to annoy me. Finally I snapped at him a couple of days ago.
Last night we were relaxing and watching "The Apprentice." He reached across the baby sleeping between us in the bed and kind of kneaded my shoulder. It felt like he was dumping a bucket of cold water over my head. Why not just put his hand on my shoulder? Why did he have to poke at me like that? I don't know why it was so annoying. Well maybe I do. It wasn't strong. It wasn't a confident husband placing his hand on me. It was the horny schoolboy poking at me. I got up and led us to our guestroom/"playroom," but after a couple minutes of kissing I knew it just was not going to work for me. So I pulled away and it was over.
I wish John had the power to put me in the mood, at least sometimes. I don't know. Maybe it's me. Maybe I would just never reliquish that control to anybody. Or maybe I would. I wish I could. I really wish I could.
Lisa also talked about the D/s blogs she has been reading. John and I got slightly intrigued by some of those ideas a few weeks ago. We even played around with spanking as detailed here. It was really fun a few times, but it isn't a regular part of what we do. It was more about being naughty, silly and fun than D/s. And the more we read about the real D/s world, the more we did not see ourselves there. John and I both agreed on that.
I don't want a man to dominate me. I don't want to be submissive. I want to be the strong woman that I am. I just want a strong man to stand beside me and take the load too. I want a full partner. We can both have our strengths and weaknesses and help each other. Just sometimes I want him to take care of me. I want to be able to curl up with him and feel feminine surrounded by his masculinity. I don't get enough of that.
John and I do not have a marriage on the rocks or anything close to that. Nobody is cheating, emotionally or otherwise. We're close. We spend lots of time together and as a family. Our sex life is going strong and is greatly improved over recent years. We're getting our groove back as our little babies grow into little people. We're continuing to evolve and grow as we will be entering our 40's next year. But we're doing it together, and we will make it.
But I really related to what Lisa was saying about being a strong woman. I'm a strong woman, and I'm the stronger partner in just about every aspect of my marriage. Don't get me wrong. I am not a dictator. I'm not mean (well, not unless I'm tired and cranky anyway). And we do talk most things out together. But I run the house and I run our lives. I run the finances. I veto things that I don't like. For the most part, John goes along. It seems that the buck stops with me.
With power comes responsibility. I have to balance the checkbook, manage the budget, make investment decisions, make sure the house is stocked and everybody has everything that they need, make sure the health department will not come over and cite us for cleanliness violations, keep the laundry under control, etc. Many times I wish I did not have so much responsibility. Responsibility is not so much fun. Maybe all these things just seem like my housewifely duties. But it's more than that.
I control our sex life. If I'm not in the mood, it ain't gonna happen. John has little power to get me into the mood, although he can break the mood unintentionally in so many small ways. Lately we have tended to have showers at night since we've had so much nocturnal activity. Usually I shower while he bathes the kids in the tub. He likes to open the shower door and leer at me. A lot. Often. All the time. It might have been cute or sexy once or twice, but now I just find it annoying. Good grief. I just want to relax for a few minutes. Stop leering at me like a horny schoolboy. I hinted to him many times that it was starting to annoy me. Finally I snapped at him a couple of days ago.
Last night we were relaxing and watching "The Apprentice." He reached across the baby sleeping between us in the bed and kind of kneaded my shoulder. It felt like he was dumping a bucket of cold water over my head. Why not just put his hand on my shoulder? Why did he have to poke at me like that? I don't know why it was so annoying. Well maybe I do. It wasn't strong. It wasn't a confident husband placing his hand on me. It was the horny schoolboy poking at me. I got up and led us to our guestroom/"playroom," but after a couple minutes of kissing I knew it just was not going to work for me. So I pulled away and it was over.
I wish John had the power to put me in the mood, at least sometimes. I don't know. Maybe it's me. Maybe I would just never reliquish that control to anybody. Or maybe I would. I wish I could. I really wish I could.
Lisa also talked about the D/s blogs she has been reading. John and I got slightly intrigued by some of those ideas a few weeks ago. We even played around with spanking as detailed here. It was really fun a few times, but it isn't a regular part of what we do. It was more about being naughty, silly and fun than D/s. And the more we read about the real D/s world, the more we did not see ourselves there. John and I both agreed on that.
I don't want a man to dominate me. I don't want to be submissive. I want to be the strong woman that I am. I just want a strong man to stand beside me and take the load too. I want a full partner. We can both have our strengths and weaknesses and help each other. Just sometimes I want him to take care of me. I want to be able to curl up with him and feel feminine surrounded by his masculinity. I don't get enough of that.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Very FUNNY!!!!
Will Turner is the caring young man from pirates of the caribbean. he will adore you till the day that he dies You are going to Marry orlando Bloom. He will always treat you right and is very romantic. He will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking (which is another plus!). He can make anything cheesy look really hot(like sliding down stairs on a shield shooting arrows or wearing pointy ears for example). Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!) brought to you by Quizilla
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking (which is another plus!). He can make anything cheesy look really hot(like sliding down stairs on a shield shooting arrows or wearing pointy ears for example). Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!) brought to you by Quizilla
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The tipping point
I was able to read the book titled "The tipping point". This book is all about that subtle point where are a lot of change happens. Small changes can cause big differences is the essence. A fine read - a must for every enthusiast who intends to open a company of his own!!
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